fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like iHOP with fire
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
