If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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