I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
