All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
