considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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