If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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