I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
