In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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