based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
