this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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