theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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