sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
