I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
