I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
