Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize