I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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