I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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