She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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