Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
