Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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