I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
