You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
