just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
