I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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