It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
