Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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