I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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