Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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