its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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