I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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