I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
