I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
