last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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