I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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