The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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