You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
