That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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