Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
