is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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