How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
