I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're too hungover to prance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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