I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
