Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
