Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
