It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think i got beer on your cat.
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