she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
