You just made me feel so damn special
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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