I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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