I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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