do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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