My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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