Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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