: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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