Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
