we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
