Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
