when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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