Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
