I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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