I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
