Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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