This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
