I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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