yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
