So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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