hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
