Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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