the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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