I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize