I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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