glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
