It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
