If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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